Category Archives: Sexuality

National Masturbation Day

From way back in 2005 — by extrapolation, that means that tomorrow is the TWENTIETH anniversary of the noble and esteemed holiday. I hope everyone celebrates it to the best of their abilities.  (According to the Great Oracle Of Ginormous Learning Experiences, the holiday was celebrated on May 7 until 2001, and in 2005 May 28 was set as the “Day”).

Monday, May 23, 2005

National Masturbation Month Reaches Climax On May 28

SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash – FlashNews) – May has been declared “National Masturbation Month” by the Good Vibrations sex toy company.

But the annual event really reaches a climax on May 28, which is National Masturbation Day.

That’s when touchy-feely people all across America will be coming together for a good cause called the “Masturbate- A-Thon,” where they ask for pledges based on the length of time they pleasure themselves.

This year marks the 10th anniversary of National Masturbation Month and while most people will “celebrate” in private, organizer and sex expert Dr. Carol Queen expects at least 100 self-proclaimed self-lovers will gather in San Francisco for a hands-on charity event benefitting the Center for Sex and Culture.

Participants will have to provide their own toys, but Queen says there will be plenty of “lube and latex” for those who need them as well as a special “voyeur’s room” for the media.

Because it is a public event, participants shouldn’t ask others for “assistance” but Queen says it is permissible to ask for “support” or “inspiration.”

OM: A Tantric Sex Cult Odyssey

goodreadsI’m almost finished reading this book I received from the Goodreads First Reads giveaway, called Om: A Tantric Sex Cult Odyssey by Jeff Nichols. It’s listed on Amazon in the humor/satire category, I have assumed throughout the time I’ve been reading it that it is purely satirical.

After today’s Googling, I’m not quite sure that it’s truly satire. In fact, I’m starting to get the feeling that it’s mostly true. The book is about a guy who gets involved, through a girlfriend, with a group that practices Orgasmic Meditation (OM), which at its core is a large room full of people where the object of the game seems to be to diddle women’s vageeners with a specific finger in a highly specific manner (known as oming) for fifteen minutes at a time.

I googled, and found out that there is such a group, with chapters in most major cities, including a DC Meetup Group with 110 members and a weekly meet-up.

Not going to pass judgement one way or another. If women out there need fiddlin’ and diddlin’ on a purely technical level, with no emotional connection whatever, more power to ’em.

But the book’s pretty damned funny, in terms of characters anyway. It’s a quick read. And if you’re considering joining the meet-up groups to learn to become a diddler or to enjoy being diddled, I really believe this book will serve as a perfect introduction which might lessen the awkward embarrassment of a meet-up.

I don’t think the guys get any reciprocity out of this whatsoever, other than the esteemed title of Advanced Stroker or Master Stroker (according to the book, anyway). Sorry, guys. Maybe you can put that title on your business card, although people might interpret it as something else entirely.

I won another Goodreads Giveaway!

Ooooh, how exciting! I won another Goodreads giveaway! This time it’s Om: A Tantric Sex Cult Odyssey by Jeff Nichols. From the Amazon description, it is filed under Humor & Satire / General Humor, and is:

a “novella (loosely based on a true story) is about a man in his forties who, by his own admission, is a poor lover, and, like most of us, insecure. He joins a tantric sex organization – which may or may not be a cult – in an attempt to learn how to satisfy women in general, and one in particular. Two friends of his join up with him. Their goal is to immerse themselves in this controversial program and emerge as ‘master strokers,’ experts at getting women not just to climax but to have massive orgasms—by using only their fingertip!”

I’ve read a bit about tantric sex, and of course I’ve seen those frightening HBO Real Sex episodes where cameras intrude on group tantrix sex escapades, which I could never reall tell were real or staged. This sounds like a fun spin on the topic. I’m looking forward to it.

With my first Goodreads giveaway win being the book about UFOs, and my second about tantric sex, I’m starting to wonder what logic is being applied by Goodreads in choosing the winners of the giveaways. And since I just today sent out five copies of my own book to giveaway winners, it gives me a little bit of hope that the five winners might actually find something interesting about a collection of 20+ year old zines.

Fifty Shades of WHAT

Eve asked me the other night if I had ever read “Fifty Shades of Grey.” At first, I wondered if she was talking about my yacht club photos.


But no, I haven’t. I haven’t ever. Which is odd, because I’ll read anything. I guess I was turned off of it from the beginning because it seemed like an orchestrated attempt to create mainstream romanticized porn for people who don’t normally allow themselves the luxury of porn.  With all the hype, people are granting themselves permission. News flash, I’m a guy, and…

allmenYes, ALL guys. So I never really felt the need to take in Fifty Shades. Plus, personally, I’ve never had an interest in the whole dom/sub paradigm. To me it’s right up there with phone sex — too abstracted and contrived to hold any interest for me. We all have our kinks, and I say “meh.”

Then there’s the idea that when something is mainstreamed, it is cartoonified and watered down to an extent that long-time enthusiasts will find it objectionable. So even though I don’t have interest in dom/sub kind of things, I’m pretty well-versed and know all the bullet points, and I object in advance on behalf of those of my friends who live in that world. How’s that for prejudice?

Of course, now that the question has been raised, I feel like I should give it a fair chance just so that I know what I’m talking about. I wonder if it’s out on audiobook. Or should I risk listening to that on the way to (or from) work???

Marketing small condoms

It’s a shame that so much of male self-esteem is wrapped up the confidence of having an “adequately” sized penis. That’s some caveman shit there. Other than the sheer difficulty of consummation with a “micropenis,” studies have shown that there is no correlation between penis size and fertility/virility.

In fact, they have found something that determines fertility far more accurately. anogenital distance (AGD), which was found to be a much better indicator.  AGD is the distance between the anus and the closest connection of the scrotum. Less than two inches means likely impaired fertility. Of course, none of this matters in terms of our roles in the universe… but my AGD is fucking huge. Just sayin’.

Of course, the marketing geniuses are having a tough time marketing condoms to those whose length and/or girth is considered “below average.” I mean, you don’t want to give a guy a complex, right? God forbid you’re buying them in the local drugstore, and Tammy behind the counter learns that what you’re packing is, maybe, less-than-impressive.

"Snug Fit" smaller condoms
“Snug Fit” smaller condoms

As the article points out, this refusal to address size in a transparent manner can result in serious consequences, such as increased rates of infection due to a failure to navigate size propaganda and find the correct fit.

The truth is, a lot of men don’t know how a condom is supposed to fit anyway. Newsflash: It’s not supposed to squeeze you like a sausage. If you complain that condoms reduce sensation, that’s probably why that’s happening, you’re too-tight condom is restricting blood flow and making it numb. Go for a magnum next time. It doesn’t need to be that tight, it just needs to not fall off.

MAYBE, just maybe, if we can get the condom size thing sorted out, we can get WOMEN sorted into various anatomy types and fit preferences, so that those with tighter anatomies who aren’t comfortable with serious stretching can gravitate toward those guys who will fit them the way they like, and the size queens can gravitate toward the over-endowed.

Pop star Zara Larsson puts a condom on her leg to prove that no man is "too big for condoms."
Pop star Zara Larsson puts a condom on her leg to prove that no man is “too big for condoms.”

And in Other Penis News

I figured I’d get this other penis news out of the way now rather than post another penis article right away and be accused of being penicentric.

During Vietnam, both the South Vietnamese and the Vietcong soldiers believed that you meet your god in whatever form you are in when you die. So they would cut the penises off of dead soldiers and insert them into the soldiers’ mouths.

I don’t know what kind of God they were envisioning here. The God of high school jocks, who will point and laugh, humiliating the newly-arrived dead soldier for arriving with his own dick in his mouth? Please. I like to think the welcome would be more like, “Welcome. Sorry about the dick thing. War is hell.”

Pic is unrelated. Just funny.
Pic is unrelated. Just funny.

If you run out of things to talk about, criticize others.

I will start here.

This is a perfect example of two people, who happen to be related, with boundary issues. Now I understand boundary issues, believe me I do. But there are boundaries and there are Boundaries with a capital B.

This gentleman, who had not seen his daughter since she was five, reconnected with her at 17, and within several days, managed to take her virginity.

And now they plan to “move to New Jersey, where adult incest is legal.”