National Masturbation Day

From way back in 2005 — by extrapolation, that means that tomorrow is the TWENTIETH anniversary of the noble and esteemed holiday. I hope everyone celebrates it to the best of their abilities.  (According to the Great Oracle Of Ginormous Learning Experiences, the holiday was celebrated on May 7 until 2001, and in 2005 May 28 was set as the “Day”).

Monday, May 23, 2005

National Masturbation Month Reaches Climax On May 28

SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash – FlashNews) – May has been declared “National Masturbation Month” by the Good Vibrations sex toy company.

But the annual event really reaches a climax on May 28, which is National Masturbation Day.

That’s when touchy-feely people all across America will be coming together for a good cause called the “Masturbate- A-Thon,” where they ask for pledges based on the length of time they pleasure themselves.

This year marks the 10th anniversary of National Masturbation Month and while most people will “celebrate” in private, organizer and sex expert Dr. Carol Queen expects at least 100 self-proclaimed self-lovers will gather in San Francisco for a hands-on charity event benefitting the Center for Sex and Culture.

Participants will have to provide their own toys, but Queen says there will be plenty of “lube and latex” for those who need them as well as a special “voyeur’s room” for the media.

Because it is a public event, participants shouldn’t ask others for “assistance” but Queen says it is permissible to ask for “support” or “inspiration.”

The Fine Print Giveth

The other day, a tarot reading foretold of unexpected funds. Yesterday it may have come to fruition.

Last year at some point, we received notice of a class action lawsuit involving HSBC. I make it a point to examine all notices of class action lawsuits. There is a reason for this. SOME of them have a default behavior, if you do nothing, of including you in the class, and thus in the claim. This one, had we done nothing, would have excluded us from the claim. We completed the document and returned it, and promptly forgot about it.

We have received portions of class action settlements in the past. Usually they’re a few dollars, or ten or twenty. This one, likely because the default behavior was to exclude you from the claim, was different. The settlement was for a total of $39 million. Our checks were for around $100 each (Eve and I each received one).

Read the fine print, people. Sometimes it giveth.

Oh, and by the way, the settlement was for repeated autodialing of consumers without consent, and without regard to the Do Not Call registry.

Memorial Day


My great uncle Aubrey C. German, buried at Arlington National Cemetery, who stepped on a land mine at Normandy, and in the short-but-sweet words of my father, “that was the end of that.” My father was just two and a half months old when Aubrey was killed.

In the course of reading about my great-uncle Aubrey, I discovered something new about my great grandfather Raymond Lewis German (Aubrey’s father). Raymond had a first wife, Beulah, who died in childbirth in 1913 along with their first child, a boy. She was from what is now known as Linville, in Rockingham County, very close to where Eve went to school. According to her burial notes, Beulah’s brother-in-law, who was married to her older sister Myrtle, committed suicide the following day by drinking carbolic acid at her coffin. There had to be more the story than that. It’s a murder ballad variation waiting to be written, and it’s right there in my family history.

From the Washington Times, February 18, 1913:

Georgetown Resident Drinks Poison In Front of Casket of His Sister-In-Law

While a dozen relatives and friends gathered around the casket in which lay the body of Mrs. Beulah German in the parlor of the family home, 1355 Wisconsin avenue, Georgetown, shortly before noon today, Charles Corcoran, twenty-eight years old, brother-in-law of the dead woman, stepped into the room and ended his life by drinking a quantity of carbolic acid. As he came into the room with a small tumbler containing a white liquid, he said in a loud voice that he was going to kill himself. Those in the room looked at the tumbler and supposed it contained gin. A moment later Corcoran drained the glass and fell to the floor.

Murder Ballad of the Week, 5/25/15: The Red-Headed Stranger

This week’s murder ballad is the Red-Headed Stranger by Eugene Chadbourne and Shockabilly. Yes, I know it’s originally a Willie Nelson song, and maybe I’ll post Willie’s version later in the year. Shockabilly’s version is the first I was exposed to, due to my unusual musical adolescence. And admit it, it’s fucking great.

Nice attempt at side-stepping the law there.  “You can’t hang a man for shooting a woman who’s trying to steal his horse.”

Shockabilly – The Red Headed Stranger