Eve asked me the other night if I had ever read “Fifty Shades of Grey.” At first, I wondered if she was talking about my yacht club photos.

But no, I haven’t. I haven’t ever. Which is odd, because I’ll read anything. I guess I was turned off of it from the beginning because it seemed like an orchestrated attempt to create mainstream romanticized porn for people who don’t normally allow themselves the luxury of porn.  With all the hype, people are granting themselves permission. News flash, I’m a guy, and…

Yes, ALL guys. So I never really felt the need to take in Fifty Shades. Plus, personally, I’ve never had an interest in the whole dom/sub paradigm. To me it’s right up there with phone sex — too abstracted and contrived to hold any interest for me. We all have our kinks, and I say “meh.”

Then there’s the idea that when something is mainstreamed, it is cartoonified and watered down to an extent that long-time enthusiasts will find it objectionable. So even though I don’t have interest in dom/sub kind of things, I’m pretty well-versed and know all the bullet points, and I object in advance on behalf of those of my friends who live in that world. How’s that for prejudice?

Of course, now that the question has been raised, I feel like I should give it a fair chance just so that I know what I’m talking about. I wonder if it’s out on audiobook. Or should I risk listening to that on the way to (or from) work???